Confessions of a Halloweenie

I am a bona fide, certified, deep fried Halloweenie. I have always loved Halloween, and I still do.

I don't really know what it is about Halloween that appeals to me so much. I certainly do enjoy all things creepy (except for spiders.) I like chilling books and movies and plays (Note: Well, as long as there is someone there to hold my hand during the especially scary bits. Liking scary things does not necessarily translate into actually being "brave," you know.)

It's no mystery why it was so appealing to me as a kid, of course. I loved to plan my costume months in advance; I was a shy kid, and the chance to be someone or something else for a night was very appealing. Unfortunately, the thrill of the costume was nearly always marred by the reality that it is freezing cold on October 31. Every year I would fight the valiant fight, but every year my mother would prevail, and I would be stuffed into (as I remember it) a full snowsuit before I headed out trick-or-treating, any semblance of a costume completely hidden. No matter what my carefully-planned outfit was, I ended up looking like the Goodyear Blimp, or the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. And no matter how secretly grateful I was to my mother at the end of the long, cold night, I would still kick up the same fuss the following year and the cycle would continue.

But I didn't REALLY care about how bundled up I was, because I still got to go out after dark with my friends, and I would still come home with a giant loot bag of candy at the end of the night. My friends and I quickly came to know which houses gave out the best treats; I remember nearly weeping when we discovered the house that gave out full-size chocolate bars. Cans of pop were a mixed blessing; they were delicious, but too many of them would weigh down your bag and force you home early. We knew where the dentists (and their toothbrushes) lived and which neighbours gave out apples and teeny, useless boxes of raisins. We knew where the mean old lady lived - the one who wouldn't give you anything if you were also collecting change for UNICEF. (Note: I'm not kidding about this, and as an adult I often wonder what that lady's deal was. So I did a google search using the keywords "refuse," "UNICEF" and "Halloween," and the first relevant link that came up was from the white supremacist group STORMFRONT. Figures - jerks. In any case, we fooled the mean old lady by flipping our UNICEF boxes around to the back and got candy anyway.)

But now I am all grown up. I don't go out trick or treating and I don't wear costumes. (Note: This is not technically true, as I am attending a Halloween party on Friday night and I am totally stumped about what to wear. If you have an idea for me, please post a comment and tell me! I will give you all the credit and buy you a beer.) So why is Halloween still so exciting for me?

Part of it is because I am desperate to retain some of the childhood wonder and excitement I used to feel around holidays and special occasions. When you are an adult there are meetings to sit through, paperwork to fill out and bills to be paid, and if you're not careful, you can let those moments of giddy anticipation that once punctuated your childhood pass you by. Everything is a big damn responsibility, and opportunities to get really excited over everyday occurrences are few and far between.

But here's what I think it REALLY is, and what it always has been for me. I love the fact that we have a socially mandated night of silliness and mischief and gluttony and sin inserted into our otherwise staid calendar. I mean, take Christmas, which is the apparent antithesis to Halloween. Christmas is light, Halloween is dark. Christmas is about giving, Halloween is about getting. Christmas is about what comforts us, and Halloween is about what scares us. Certainly Halloween strikes fear into a few evangelical Christian groups, who would like to see it banned altogether.

I would argue to those groups that Halloween and Christmas have something in common. I can't remember what comic pointed this out first (I know I didn't think it up!) but we spend tonnes of energy teaching and reminding kids not to accept candy from strangers ... and then we have a night where we encourage kids to do just that. And we open our doors to other people's children - sometimes a hundred of them in one night. Then we "oohh" and "ahh" over their costumes and give them a piece of candy and our goodwill as they toddle off to the next house. For such a "scary" holiday, that's a pretty sweet sentiment.

I'm too old to trick or treat, and my strict condo building does not hold the same rosy view of trick-or-treating as I do (the condo blog is coming ... I swear.) So this Friday I'll head out into my neighbourhood and take a walk at dusk. I'll go out there to see all of the kids in their snowsuits calling "Trick or Treat!" and their parents hiding in the nearby bushes, whispering "SAY THANK YOU!" at the top of their lungs. Hope to see you out there.

And just wait 'till you see me at Christmas.