My new BFFs

This summer, I had two gargantuan celebrity encounters. I saw Britney Spears in concert and I met Sandra Bullock in a restaurant. I suppose the Britney experience wasn't an "encounter," as there were 20,000 other people there too, but I was standing really, really close to the stage, so in my mind, we're now BFF's. Sandra too.

My 2.1 readers will know that I have long harboured a not-so-secret-interest in Britney Spears, which is mainly fueled by my immature taste in music and appalled fascination with people who get pulled through the Play-Doh-Fun-Factory-of -Stardom. I have also been a longtime fan of Sandra Bullock, despite feeling only lukewarm about many of her movies.

(Note: This is not true of Bullock's breakout role in the movie "Speed," where she and Keanu Reeves drive a bomb-rigged bus on the highway, through Los Angeles, on the airport runway and, for an inexplicable 10 seconds, into thin air. I LOVE that movie. I had just broken up with my university boyfriend when it came out and every time I started feeling blue, my friend Graham hauled me out to see that movie in the theatre. It was cheap, wonderful, bicep-filled therapy. "Crash" and "Infamous" also prove that often the material she works with does not match her true abilities as an actor.)

As these two moments were certainly the most momentous of the summer, I thought I would do a compare and contrast treatment of the two life-defining moments. Students, take note; you're going to have to do this soon with books that I force you to read.

Similarities:

1.) Prettiness.

However pretty you thought Sandra Bullock was from the movies, multiply it by 1000 and that's what she looks like in real life. The fact that America thinks of her as "the girl next door" only makes sense if America lives next door to the "America's Next Top Model" house. Britney doesn't fare so well in this respect when it comes to how she has been seen on the billion feet of celluloid that have captured her every meltdown, but let me assure you, in real life she is pretty stunning. She may not look great in all of those candid shots of her, but her genetic material is pretty darn good - when she's all dressed up, she's awful purdy.

2. ... um ... well, maybe there's just prettiness.

Differences:

There is only one here too, and it's big. Life. Sandra Bullock has got one, Britney Spears doesn't.

When my friends and I were eating in the restaurant that Sandra (Sandy) owns in downtown Austin and she and her husband and stepdaughter took a table right next to us, we were all floored. After all, we had been joking all week, to ANYONE who would listen (and several people who didn't really care to) that we were going to meet Sandy there and we would become best friends forever. And here we were, eating together! Or near each other, at least.

I was instantly overcome with shyness, but I had to take advantage of this opportunity. I had to say SOMETHING to her, didn't I? I mustered my courage and blurted out:

"We like your restaurant!"

Sigh. Oh well, it could have been worse. I could have told her how much I liked her in "Pretty Woman," or something.

But then the most amazing thing happened. She turned to our table and had a conversation with us, like a real human being. About the restaurant, about her plans for a bakery down the street, about what she liked to eat there. It was short, but it was genuine. And as I looked around the restaurant, I realized that in this place, she wasn't a celebrity. Nobody in the restaurant was reaching for their cameras and cell phones when she walked in. The waitress asked her about the health of her dogs. There was no TMZ crew stalking her, no security detail. It was just a pretty lady out with her tattooed husband and their adorable daughter, and nobody lifted an eyebrow. Sandra Bullock seems to have found a balance between fame and anonymity; she is at once exceptional and normal.

Sadly, the same could not be said of poor Britney. She is exceptional in every way. Her show, I am not ashamed to say, was spectacular. There were jugglers and magicians and acrobats and circus freaks and in the centre of it was Britney herself. She certainly has that "it" factor; the Corel Centre was packed to the rafters with screaming Britney wannabes, and none of us, me included, could take our eyes off the stage. And for a moment, when she is performing in front of her adoring crowd, it seems that she has the best life in the world.

But of course, she has no life. At least when she was spiralling downwards into the mire two years ago she went out in her car for coffee and cigarettes. She has virtually disappeared from the tabloid media radar, and I'm sure that it's not for a lack of hunting. She is so carefully managed that we don't even see her at Starbucks anymore. You know that she is still drinking frappachinos, but you also know that now there is a team devoted to getting them for her while she is relentlessly shielded from the tabloid glare. Britney has become the most rare of all circus animals - one that is taken gingerly out of its cage for the performance of a lifetime, only to be packed carefully away again and whisked to the next town under the cover of night.

The concert was mesmerizing, but it was pre-fabricated and structured down to the last millisecond. No interaction with the audience was planned or permitted. When she slowed the show down for it's one ballad of the night, she did send out a "What's up, Ottawa?" but that was all we were allowed to see of non-singing, non-writhing Britney. Upon reading reviews of other shows in other towns, I see that the exact same pithy phrase was inserted in the exact same point in the show each night.

Most stars dread fading into obscurity. This is made painfully clear every time I turn on MTV only to learn that Biz Markee needs to lose weight or that Scott Baio is 45 and single. But Britney must yearn to have the kind of anonymity that is now enjoyed by former child stars like that kid from the Sixth Sense or the kid who played Natalie on "The Facts of Life," or the Karate Kid. (Although I do actually remember the name of the guy who played The Karate Kid - it was Ralph Macchio and he is the same age as Barack Obama. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, children of the seventies!)

I kind of wish that Britney would move to Austin. After all, she's a good old southern girl, and maybe she could learn a thing or two from beautiful, gracious Sandra Bullock, who took time out of her own dinner to converse briefly with a few stammering patrons of her lovely restaurant. Maybe she and Sandy could be neighbours and end up sharing iced tea on the porch and clucking their tongues about the latest Miley Cyrus exploits.

If that ever happens, I really, really hope they invite me. After all, they are my BFF's.