Hello, blog readers? Are there any of you left out there? Have I lost you all as a result of my long, ridiculous absence? Well, it would serve me right, wouldn't it?
Even if any of you still have any desire to continue to read this blog, I know that you won't be reading it for a couple of days, because YOU, as PROUD CITIZENS OF THE WORLD, are surely overwhelmed with frenzied preparations for the celebration of WILLIAM AND KATE'S HISTORIC WEDDING. In approximately 5 hours (if you live in Toronto) you will have the privilege of witnessing this TRULY MAGICAL EVENT, and it will be forever remembered as THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE.
Meh. I think they're trying to steal my thunder.
As many of you know, I too am getting married this spring. I can only assume that the paparazzi presence and tabloid interest in my wedding will pick up after Kate and Will get their shindig over with. In order to allay any confusion that might ensue as a result of two such important weddings happening within a month of each other, I thought I would compile a handy reference guide so that everyone can keep them clear.
Similarities:
Purpose of wedding: Declaration of a lifelong commitment between two heterosexual human beings.
Season of wedding: Spring.
Wine: Yes.
Differences:
Guests: Will and Kate: 1900.
Alison and Jonathon: 90
Location: Will and Kate: Westminster Abbey/Buckingham Palace
Alison and Jonathon: Butterfly Conservatory (Cambridge, Ontario)
Animal Participation: Will and Kate: 186 horses (not including police horses.)
Alison and Jonathon: lots of butterflies and some tropical birds.
Transportation: Will and Kate: Rolls-Royce Phantom VI/ The 1902 State Landau Carriage
Alison and Jonathon: Mazda 5/hopefully bum a ride with someone heading to the Butterfly Conservatory for the wedding.
But here's the biggest difference, folks. I think that my wedding will lead to happiness. I'm not so sure theirs will. The happiest relationship will be put under tremendous pressure in circumstances like these.
Oh, I think they love each other. They both seem seem like perfectly kind, goodhearted people. And neither of them have ever donned a Nazi Uniform for a costume party. They are very rich, and will have lots of things done for them for the rest of their lives. I bet that they can book back massages whenever they want and can get tickets to any sold out concert and don't have to worry about what is or isn't covered on their dental plan.
But let's face it, their lives are going to be awful, and this wedding will just be the start of it. A 1900 person wedding means that there are probably going to be a maximum of 200 guests that the bride and groom actually feel close to, 1699 guests who are perfect strangers and (if the tabloids are to be believed) Kanye West. Seriously. Can you imagine?
"Yo, Will and Kate ... I'm happy for you, and Imma let you finish ... but Charles and Diana had one of the best weddings of all time!"
Oh yeah. Apparently this guy is coming too.
But it's not just the 1900 guests. Don't forget about the military, the police force, the undercover security, the throngs of spectators - all strangers. Add to that constancy of the television cameras and the inevitable public scrutiny ... and it's basically a description of my worst nightmare. Did I mention that Kanye West might be there?
I feel so sorry for these kids. As soon as they are married, they will make a trip to Canada, in order to glad hand another big bunch of strangers. Royal watchers are already eagerly awaiting the couple's first child (well, MALE child that is. Who cares that it's 2011 - the laws of succession have not changed, a boy still trumps a girl. If you get an heir AND a spare, so much the better!) They are too good looking to ever escape the media spotlight, and Kate will have to face critiques of her hair, her outfits, and of the placement of each pound on her body every time she steps outside. And finally, if they have any modicum of self-awareness or perception, they will be aware that, like no other time in history, their inherited positions in Britain and the world are losing relevance every minute.
So yes, their wedding will be very beautiful. I won't wake up early in the morning to watch the wedding, but I will search for pictures of their flowers and cake and, of course, Kate's dress when I do get up. And Jonathon and I may roll up to our wedding in our dog-fur-covered Mazda 5 rather than a gilt-edged horse-drawn carriage, but at least we know that our wedding will be full of friends and family that we actually know and like. And, more importantly, we are getting married because we are looking forward to how our lives will unfold after the wedding day. If I were Will and Kate, I would not feel so optimistic.
Here's to us, honey.
Showing posts with label Weddings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Weddings. Show all posts
Thursday, April 28, 2011
I think William and Kate are trying to steal my thunder ...
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Wediquette
My friend Noel got married yesterday, and let me tell you, he did it right. Not only did he marry Maria, who could be the most adorable woman that is legally allowed to reside in the GTA, but the couple managed to avoid the pressure applied by a few friends and family members, and do the wedding their way. This involved an afternoon trip to City Hall and then an evening barbecue reception with 30 or so guests at their home. As the groom and several of his guests were musicians, the festivities wrapped up with a late-night jam session in the kitchen. It was a great night and, as far as I could tell, it was exactly the night that they wanted.
As I have watched friends and family get married over the years, I have seen that it can be very difficult to get the wedding that you want. My best friend, who got married 10 years ago, wanted to plan a tiny, inexpensive wedding in her mother's backyard. The backyard concept took (and was gorgeous!) but 90 people and $15,000 later, she was shaking her head and wondering what happened. Another friend of mine, after warring with her mother and future mother-in-law for months, threw up her hands, handed over the reins and told them that she would just pick a dress, show up on the day and find out what they had planned for her. How do these things get so out of control? Well, I'll give you my take on it.
(Note: my 2.1 readers are probably thinking right now; "Hey! You've never been married, Alison Hunter! What right do you have to spout off about this?" Well, I have three answers for you. One: I have been involved in several weddings - three as a maid of honour/bridesmaid and three as an Emcee, so I've got some chops. Two: Although it's true that I have never been married, I did come very close getting married a few years ago, when I suddenly came upon evidence, much to my surprise, that my fiance was a giant douche. You can watch a dramatic re-enactment of our relationship breakdown here. Three: It's my damn blog. I set it up expressly so that I could spout off about stuff I don't know much about. If you don't like it, get your own damn blog. Now, on to the observations.)
It has become very clear to me that the wedding industry as a whole hates people that are getting married, particularly brides. My best friend's caterer, while providing outstanding food, threw an absolute hissy fit and then pouted when my friend decided not to offer strawberry daiquiris as her "signature drink" at her reception (coincidentally, it was also the caterer's "signature drink.") Linda, another friend of mine, was planning a tiny, family only ceremony with a catered dinner afterwards. Wherever she turned, venues REFUSED to give her a price list until she specified whether or not it was dinner party or a wedding dinner party, so that they could give her the appropriately inflated price list. Attach the word "wedding" or "bridal" to any purchase, and the price immediately jumps by at least 50%. And, drawn to the gleaming engagement ring, predatory, salivating, salespeople scuttle out from under nearby rocks, trying to convince the masses that the "wedding" cake-cutters, photo albums, chairs and toothpicks are somehow better than their everyday counterparts.
But, and this might not sit well with some of you, even more than the wedding industry, family and friends seem to have even more ability to pervert and alter the wedding plans of the happy couple. From my observations, these disagreements can usually be broken down in two categories; tradition conflicts and guest list conflicts.
Tradition conflicts are probably the trickiest because they deal with cultural expectations and standards, as well as religious ceremony and significance. I get that, I really do. But I have seen more than a few couples grit their teeth through a religious ceremony that has no significance, or that they even find offensive, all in the quest to please their families. Families, I know it's difficult and that you want the best for your loved ones. But isn't the point of the marriage ceremony to be significant for the people getting married? They are the ones who are going to have to do the marital heavy lifting for (hopefully) the rest of their lives - so their ceremony should be meaningful to them.
As for the guest list conflicts, I must admit that I find this one a bit insane. I have several friends who have received some SERIOUS grief from people that they have left off of the guest list in an attempt to keep their weddings small and intimate. I mean, really people. Can't we just be cool about this? Weddings are expensive; according to Report on Business magazine the average Canadian wedding in 2007 cost $25,883. That amount is a very respectable down payment for a house! Or if you prefer something a little less practical, it's the cash equivalent of 359 bottles of Herradura Anejo Tequila (yum), 647 viewings of "Evil Dead, the Musical" (I'm actually well on my way to that number) or approximately 4 visits with your cat to a veterinarian (I wish that were a joke.) If you are close enough to the couple that you feel very strongly about their wedding, you can find another way to celebrate with them if need be. Don't kick up a fuss if you are not on the invitation list; show your support for the couple by ... I don't know ... maybe... supporting their decision? You shouldn't assume that, because you are not going to the wedding, they don't value you as a friend. Save those assumptions for 2 years into their marriage when they say things to you like "Umm ... don't take this the wrong way, but you've been on the couch eating our food and drinking our beer for 5 weeks ... how's about heading home now? "
I don't know if I'll ever say wedding vows myself, but today I am prepared to take some wedding-bystander vows here, publicly, in front of all of you.
Ahem.
I, Alison Hunter, take you, (insert engaged couple's names here) to be responsible adults who know exactly how you want your wedding to be without my unsolicited input. I honour and cherish your decisions, and promise to never throw a hissy fit or pout if you decide to keep your wedding small and intimate. I vow to make myself available to you if you need anything, and to get out of your way if you don't. If you do invite me to your wedding, I promise not to be one of those lame-o guests who comes and eats the dinner and doesn't bring a gift. In buying the gift, I will consult the registry list so that you don't end up with nine fondue sets. I also promise that if I am invited to your wedding that I will act appropriately and avoid the following common wedding misbehaviours: leaving my cell phone on so that it rings in the middle of the ceremony, clinking my glass if you have made a "no-clinking" rule, giving a speech about your ex boy/girlfriends, sobbing in the corner because I am still single or getting drinks all night from the open bar and leaving them, half drunk, all around the reception hall. You may now give me a high five.
Seriously though, I do feel incredibly flattered whenever I get invited to a wedding. I mean, think about it. A couple is making lifelong vows to each other, putting the foundation down to build a life and a family together ... and they think that my presence will make the day even better? That's pretty darn cool. So whether or not you get invited to a friend's wedding, just roll with it. It's all good. And it's all in the name of love, baby.
As I have watched friends and family get married over the years, I have seen that it can be very difficult to get the wedding that you want. My best friend, who got married 10 years ago, wanted to plan a tiny, inexpensive wedding in her mother's backyard. The backyard concept took (and was gorgeous!) but 90 people and $15,000 later, she was shaking her head and wondering what happened. Another friend of mine, after warring with her mother and future mother-in-law for months, threw up her hands, handed over the reins and told them that she would just pick a dress, show up on the day and find out what they had planned for her. How do these things get so out of control? Well, I'll give you my take on it.
(Note: my 2.1 readers are probably thinking right now; "Hey! You've never been married, Alison Hunter! What right do you have to spout off about this?" Well, I have three answers for you. One: I have been involved in several weddings - three as a maid of honour/bridesmaid and three as an Emcee, so I've got some chops. Two: Although it's true that I have never been married, I did come very close getting married a few years ago, when I suddenly came upon evidence, much to my surprise, that my fiance was a giant douche. You can watch a dramatic re-enactment of our relationship breakdown here. Three: It's my damn blog. I set it up expressly so that I could spout off about stuff I don't know much about. If you don't like it, get your own damn blog. Now, on to the observations.)
It has become very clear to me that the wedding industry as a whole hates people that are getting married, particularly brides. My best friend's caterer, while providing outstanding food, threw an absolute hissy fit and then pouted when my friend decided not to offer strawberry daiquiris as her "signature drink" at her reception (coincidentally, it was also the caterer's "signature drink.") Linda, another friend of mine, was planning a tiny, family only ceremony with a catered dinner afterwards. Wherever she turned, venues REFUSED to give her a price list until she specified whether or not it was dinner party or a wedding dinner party, so that they could give her the appropriately inflated price list. Attach the word "wedding" or "bridal" to any purchase, and the price immediately jumps by at least 50%. And, drawn to the gleaming engagement ring, predatory, salivating, salespeople scuttle out from under nearby rocks, trying to convince the masses that the "wedding" cake-cutters, photo albums, chairs and toothpicks are somehow better than their everyday counterparts.
But, and this might not sit well with some of you, even more than the wedding industry, family and friends seem to have even more ability to pervert and alter the wedding plans of the happy couple. From my observations, these disagreements can usually be broken down in two categories; tradition conflicts and guest list conflicts.
Tradition conflicts are probably the trickiest because they deal with cultural expectations and standards, as well as religious ceremony and significance. I get that, I really do. But I have seen more than a few couples grit their teeth through a religious ceremony that has no significance, or that they even find offensive, all in the quest to please their families. Families, I know it's difficult and that you want the best for your loved ones. But isn't the point of the marriage ceremony to be significant for the people getting married? They are the ones who are going to have to do the marital heavy lifting for (hopefully) the rest of their lives - so their ceremony should be meaningful to them.
As for the guest list conflicts, I must admit that I find this one a bit insane. I have several friends who have received some SERIOUS grief from people that they have left off of the guest list in an attempt to keep their weddings small and intimate. I mean, really people. Can't we just be cool about this? Weddings are expensive; according to Report on Business magazine the average Canadian wedding in 2007 cost $25,883. That amount is a very respectable down payment for a house! Or if you prefer something a little less practical, it's the cash equivalent of 359 bottles of Herradura Anejo Tequila (yum), 647 viewings of "Evil Dead, the Musical" (I'm actually well on my way to that number) or approximately 4 visits with your cat to a veterinarian (I wish that were a joke.) If you are close enough to the couple that you feel very strongly about their wedding, you can find another way to celebrate with them if need be. Don't kick up a fuss if you are not on the invitation list; show your support for the couple by ... I don't know ... maybe... supporting their decision? You shouldn't assume that, because you are not going to the wedding, they don't value you as a friend. Save those assumptions for 2 years into their marriage when they say things to you like "Umm ... don't take this the wrong way, but you've been on the couch eating our food and drinking our beer for 5 weeks ... how's about heading home now? "
I don't know if I'll ever say wedding vows myself, but today I am prepared to take some wedding-bystander vows here, publicly, in front of all of you.
Ahem.
I, Alison Hunter, take you, (insert engaged couple's names here) to be responsible adults who know exactly how you want your wedding to be without my unsolicited input. I honour and cherish your decisions, and promise to never throw a hissy fit or pout if you decide to keep your wedding small and intimate. I vow to make myself available to you if you need anything, and to get out of your way if you don't. If you do invite me to your wedding, I promise not to be one of those lame-o guests who comes and eats the dinner and doesn't bring a gift. In buying the gift, I will consult the registry list so that you don't end up with nine fondue sets. I also promise that if I am invited to your wedding that I will act appropriately and avoid the following common wedding misbehaviours: leaving my cell phone on so that it rings in the middle of the ceremony, clinking my glass if you have made a "no-clinking" rule, giving a speech about your ex boy/girlfriends, sobbing in the corner because I am still single or getting drinks all night from the open bar and leaving them, half drunk, all around the reception hall. You may now give me a high five.
Seriously though, I do feel incredibly flattered whenever I get invited to a wedding. I mean, think about it. A couple is making lifelong vows to each other, putting the foundation down to build a life and a family together ... and they think that my presence will make the day even better? That's pretty darn cool. So whether or not you get invited to a friend's wedding, just roll with it. It's all good. And it's all in the name of love, baby.
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